Jerks at Work: Tactics for Dealing with Difficult Coworkers
In our coaching and consultation services, CMA consultants often assist leaders, managers, and team members in finding effective ways to work with challenging employees. You can easily identify colleagues who annoy and negatively impact your team and workplace. Here are some ideas on ways to handle difficult people at work.
First, Start with You
Ask yourself, why is this person so irritating for you? What do they trigger in you? Do they remind you of other difficult people in your life? The more you become aware of the “why” of your reaction, the more you can choose what to do about it. An important realization is that you have more control over your behavior than you do over others. You can decide how much energy you want to invest, or not, in addressing this person’s behavior. If you are their manager, you have an increased responsibility to address any problematic behavior that may impact morale, safety, or quality—and decide if coaching or mentoring is needed.
Respond, Not React
A general guideline is to respond, rather than react, to this person. A reaction is emotional and automatic and gives the other person more control over your behavior and feelings. A thoughtful response means you are pausing to use your cognitive abilities to consider options and make rational choices. This ultimately gives you more control over any next steps. Refrain from overthinking so you do not mentally bring them home to your dinner table or living room. There is a difference between problem-solving thinking versus mental stewing or worrying. To problem solve, write out your options and possible solutions, set them aside, and then revisit them at another time.
Your Options and Next Steps
As a colleague, you can limit time with this individual and stay focused on achieving the outcomes of any tasks or projects for which you need their input or support. If the individual is hampering your work quality or psychological safety, you may need to involve your manager or HR. As a manager, you should provide specific feedback about the person’s behavior, clarify their impact on others, and clearly communicate your expectations for improvement or change. If you have identified options or possible solutions, create an action plan to implement them. Remember, you have choices and options regarding how you handle difficult people and how much you allow them to affect you.
