Combatting the Loneliness of Leadership
Leaders: Have you ever felt lonely “at the top”? If so, you aren’t alone.
As leaders rise in their careers, they frequently report an increasing sense of isolation and loneliness. After all, there truly are fewer people with whom they can openly share their work-related experiences, given the power differential that emerges compared to others in the organization. When leaders feel like they’re on an island, it can be challenging to perform at their best, maintain and exude a high level of engagement in their roles, and maximize their potential. As organizational psychologists, we have seen that this loneliness – though common – isn’t inevitable.
Executive coaching is a powerful source of support for leaders experiencing this loneliness “at the top.” Having an external, third-party partner who is not enmeshed in organizational politics or hierarchy can be a breath of fresh air for leaders. Leaders can speak more openly about their hopes, frustrations, and concerns. They can share their thoughts and feelings without worrying about how they may later be echoed in the organizational gossip mill or reflected in their performance review. Having a space for open reflection – especially around tough topics and frustrations – is key for maximizing leader growth and development.
Importantly, executive coaching space provides two primary ingredients: (1) warmth and (2) challenge. Warmth includes what esteemed psychologist Carl Rogers called “unconditional positive regard.” As coaches, we give our clients the benefit of the doubt that they are humans doing the best they can with what they have. Warmth includes presence – being there alongside coachees as they grapple with dilemmas – as well as deep, active listening and validation for the challenges they are experiencing. This ingredient is vital for building trust and human connection. However, warmth alone is unlikely to maximize a leader’s potential.
In coaching, we also challenge our coaching clients. This can look like real-time inquiry (e.g., “Is there another way you could look at that situation?”), reflection (e.g., “I’ve noticed that you get angry when people don’t respond to you immediately”), and feedback (e.g., “Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out what you think and feel in our sessions. You’ve got quite the poker face”). Challenging also includes sharing relevant resources, such as books, articles, or podcasts to inspire additional learning. Growth requires a foundation of warmth and thoughtful challenges.
Together, warmth and challenge are a powerful antidote to the loneliness executives can experience. By walking alongside leaders and equipping them with tools and insights to enrich their leadership, coaches can be unique and valuable partners for their clients.
